On this day, I was riding the train to Union Station in Toronto, and next to me were two men deep in conversation, speaking in Yoruba. From their animated discussion, I could tell they had no idea I understood the language. At first, I tried to tune them out, but as their conversation grew more intriguing, I couldn’t help but listen in.
They were talking about a mutual friend who had recently passed away at just 39 years old outside of Canada. As I continued listening, I learned that their friend had been struggling with several medical conditions, including high blood pressure, diabetes and chronic kidney disease (CKD). His health had taken a toll on his ability to be sexually active, which had created tension in his marriage.
His wife, apparently unhappy with the situation, began pressuring him to take sexual enhancement drugs to “perform.” In a bid to please her and keep their relationship stable, he occasionally took these drugs despite his underlying health issues and without consulting his medical doctor. On a particular day, his wife had been insistent that he needed to perform, pushing him to take different types of enhancement drugs and herbs. Though he reluctantly obliged, things took a tragic turn. Not long after taking the medications, he began feeling unwell, and soon after, he suffered a cardiac arrest and died.
This story left me deeply reflective. There are important lessons here for both spouses, and for everyone, really.
For those with underlying health conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, or any chronic illness, it’s crucial to prioritize your health over anything else. Sexual performance or other physical expectations should never come at the expense of life itself. People with such conditions need to be especially careful, as certain medications and actions can have fatal consequences.
To the spouses of individuals facing medical challenges or advanced age, patience and understanding are key. Health issues often bring limitations that can’t always be remedied by quick fixes or performance enhancers. Pressuring a partner to meet certain expectations without considering their health can lead to tragic outcomes. Love and care should be about more than physical needs; they should also involve protecting the well-being of one another, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
In relationships, it’s easy to get caught up in fulfilling each other’s desires, but at what cost? Couples must communicate openly and make decisions that safeguard their long-term health and happiness. The pursuit of momentary satisfaction is never worth risking a life.
The lesson for us all is that we need to exercise wisdom, compassion, and caution in our relationships. Life is fragile, and in our pursuit of happiness, we must never lose sight of the importance of health and well-being.
On that train ride, I realized that love should never demand more than a person can safely give. Instead, it should nurture, protect, and uplift—even if that means adjusting expectations and showing patience. Let’s remember this as we navigate our relationships and lives.
NB: Johnson Babalola, a Canada based lawyer, leadership consultant and corporate emcee, is a public affairs analyst.
