By Babalola Johnson
When B arrived in Canada as a widow, her heart was heavy with grief, but her resolve was firm: to give her three children the best life possible. After the sudden death of her husband, she had endured humiliation, abuse, and rejection from his family in Nigeria. Her only option, she believed, was to start over—in a new land where no one knew her sorrow, where she could rebuild from scratch.
Canada became her sanctuary, but also her fortress. B severed all ties with her past, including extended family and friends back home notwithstanding if they were kind to her or not. She gave her children everything—emotionally, financially, and physically. She worked long hours, took no vacations, spent all her savings on their education and well-being, and made no room for personal comfort or companionship.
Friends urged her gently: “Think about your future… save for retirement… find community again… reconnect with your roots, especially those that were kind to you.” But she would wave them off with a smile and say, “My children will take care of me. They are my world.”
And for a while, that belief carried her.
The children excelled. They finished school, got married, and began promising careers. But with success came distance—first emotional, then geographical. One moved to the United States, another to the United Kingdom, and the third to Australia. Their spouses, though polite, showed no interest in bringing their mother-in-law to live with them. “We’ll support her financially,” they assured their partners, “but we need our space.”
Now elderly, frail, and facing chronic illness, B was admitted into a long-term care home in Canada. The children sent money occasionally, but calls became brief and sporadic. Video chats were replaced by text messages. Visits were rare. B, too weak to travel, sat alone most days, clinging to memories and faded photographs.
Just across town lived her old friend K, whose story had unfolded quite differently.
K had also faced hardship—a failed marriage and the challenges of raising two children alone. But unlike B, she chose a different path. She remained connected to her roots in Nigeria and made pragmatic choices. Rather than cover her children’s tuition in full, she encouraged them to take out student loans, explaining that shared responsibility builds strength. Meanwhile, she invested modestly—in rental property, mutual funds, and a small plot of land back home.
She lived with intention, balancing care for her children with care for herself.
When her children graduated, she surprised each of them with contributions toward a home down-payment. She had also quietly built a modest but comfortable house in Nigeria, where she planned to retire. And she did—gracefully. Surrounded by friends, family, and a familiar culture, K reentered a life filled with laughter, choir rehearsals, evening gatherings, and even a small garden.
She visited her children in Canada occasionally—not out of need, but out of joy. She would laugh with them, then return home, content in the knowledge that she had given love without losing herself.
“Life is not just about sacrificing everything,” she once told B. “It’s about balancing love for others with wisdom for yourself.”
Both women had loved well. Both had chosen with the best intentions. But their outcomes were shaped not only by sacrifice, but by foresight, boundaries, and the quiet decisions made along the way. As Lewis Carroll once noted, we often regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
May our decisions not lead us into pain or loneliness, but bring us peace, fulfillment, and the quiet joy of seeing our wisdom stand the test of time.
NB: Johnson Babalola, a Canada based lawyer, leadership consultant and corporate emcee, is a public affairs analyst. He is the Founder of JB Law & Life Compass (JBLLC), a mentorship platform for young lawyers, law students and young professionals (@jblifecompass). Follow him for discussions on real life issues that affect us all:* https://substack.com/@johnsonbabalola https://medium.com/@jblawyer2021 https jbdlaw Website: www.johnsonbabalola://www.facebook.com/jbandthings
IG: @jbdlaw/@jbandthings
*You can obtain a copy of his book, REJECTED on Amazon, FriesenPress, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Google Play, Apple Books, Nook Store etc.*
