My friend RW and his wife FW meet with their children every Saturday morning to discuss family issues, reflect on the past week, and plan for the week ahead. They cover a wide range of topics, including spirituality, relationships, sex, finance, employment, extended family, health, emotions, and more. Each session is led by a family member, including their youngest, who is 15, with a well-researched topic. Attendance is compulsory, regardless of location, thanks to remote meeting opportunities. Their motto is: prioritize family in all you do.
One particular Saturday, RW shared his favorite story about his 30 years in Canada, 25 of which were spent caring for extended family members back home. He reminded his family that, having benefited from the generosity of a few uncles and aunts, he was happy to give back. For years, he invested time, money, and energy in supporting his siblings, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, and others while raising his own children without help from anyone except his amazing wife.
Realizing that the cycle of those he supported continued to expand and approaching retirement with limited savings, RW decided five years ago to focus on himself and his immediate family, stopping financial investments in his extended family and others, except in emergencies. While some family members were not thrilled, most understood. It was the best decision he ever made, allowing him to prepare for retirement.
During the meeting, RW’s youngest child, TW, asked, “Dad, my cousin BW from back home asked me for an iPhone 14 because she doesn’t have a good phone. I feel for her.”
RW responded, “Thanks, love, for bringing this up. Does anyone want to address TW’s question before I do?”
DW, the oldest child at 25, responded, “She sent me the same message. She’s 26, refuses to work despite our support, and already has an iPhone 13. We all use iPhone 10 and are not complaining. Politely decline, and I’ll help you respond after the meeting.”
Proud of DW’s response, RW added, “Jesus came to die for our sins. While I’m not comparing myself to Jesus, your mom and I shouldered the family’s financial burdens for 25 years. That stopped with us. Care for others but ensure you are financially stable first. Avoid those who take advantage of your innocence. Relate to people based on character, not just blood. You have no obligation to go into debt to help others. Share information among our family and stay vigilant. Thanks, TW. Now, let’s discuss last week’s challenges, what we’re grateful for, and our plans for the coming week.”
NB: Johnson Babalola, a Canada based lawyer, leadership consultant and corporate emcee, is a public affairs analyst.
