I have consulted with my ancestors (and my favorite jollof pot) to bring you these side-splitting predictions for Nigeria in 2025:
1. The government will set up a committee to investigate why Nigeria is still investigating committees.
2. Nigerians will continue using “God will do it” as the national economic recovery plan.
3. NEPA (or whatever it’s called now) will surprise Nigerians with 24 hours stable electricity.
4. A WhatsApp broadcast will go viral claiming that jollof rice cures high blood pressure.
5. Traffic in Lagos will be declared a UNESCO World Heritage experience.
6. Nigerians will agree to not discuss politics again on social media
7. “All protocols duly observed” will become an official greeting at weddings.
8. Nigerian tailors will continue their tradition of turning “what I ordered” into comedy skits.
9. A Nollywood movie titled *The Billionaire’s Village Driver* will gross ₦1 billion.
10. Super Eagles fans will start bragging about how they’ll win the 2026 World Cup… until they lose a friendly match to Mauritius.
11. A new politician will promise to end corruption in 2025, starting in 2050.
12. Nigerian social media users will solve 500 more global issues from their keyboards.
13. A man will still propose in public and get rejected, inspiring another viral meme.
14. DSTV subscription rates will increase, and Nigerians will still gather at neighbors’ houses to watch EPL.
15. Nigerian mechanics will continue diagnosing car problems by knocking the engine twice and saying, “This thing is spiritual.”
16. A new dance move called “Subsidy Shuffle” will go viral.
17. Someone will still blame Buhari for everything wrong in their life, including bad network reception.
18. A Nigerian Twitter user will trend for claiming Lagos Island has better weather than Canada.
19. Nigerian wedding food will still feature small chops disappearing before the main dish arrives.
20. A Nigerian artist will drop a hit song with lyrics that are 90% “Shey you dey whine me ni?” and still win awards.
21. “Ogbeni, calm down” will replace the “National Pledge” in schools.
22. A Nigerian pastor will prophesy that rain will fall during rainy season.
23. INEC will announce elections in a state, but voters will be told to bring their generators.
24. Channels, Arise, NTA, and TVC will merge to become CANT
25. Finally, Nigerians will still find a way to laugh through every struggle, because *naija no dey carry last!*
As we step into 2025, may you never get stuck in Lagos traffic, never asked for “something for the boys,” and may your generator purr like a Benz. May your tailor always sew your outfit *exactly* as you ordered and on time, always get served at parties, your small chops remain plenty, and your bribes be…wait, just kidding! Here’s to a year filled with joy, laughter, and only positive predictions for Nigeria and in your life. *Shey you dey whine me ni? No o, this one is legit!*
