By Johnson Babalola
Many have written about this topic from different perspectives but with the same message—a woman’s body, including her hair, is her personal space, and touching it without consent is a violation. Some of the writers on this topic include Emma Dabiri (Don’t Touch My Hair), Mpho Tutu van Furth (Forgiveness and Reparation), and Reni Eddo-Lodge (Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race), among others. These authors explore themes of consent, autonomy, race, and power.
Emma Dabiri, for instance, writes that nobody should assume the right to touch another person’s hair without consent, adding that such act is a violation of the individual’s personal space.
Similarly, Audre Lorde famously said:
> “Your silence will not protect you.”
This quote resonates deeply in situations where women are discouraged from speaking up about harassment, as silence often emboldens perpetrators rather than shields victims.
*A Culture of Silence and Dismissal*
Across the world, women face varying degrees of abuse, discrimination, and stigmatization—some blatant, some subtle. In many places, there exists a “don’t say, don’t tell” culture, fueled by deep-seated traditions and a lack of trust in institutions meant to protect citizens. Many women fear speaking up, knowing that their concerns may be trivialized, ignored, or turned against them.
*A Personal Encounter: The Price of Speaking Up*
During a recent visit to a friend’s house in Nigeria, his 23-year-old daughter was home. When I asked why, she revealed that she had quit her job—not because she was incompetent, but because she was uncomfortable.
She normally wears her hair in an afro style, and within a week of starting the job, she noticed a pattern of patronizing behavior from colleagues, both young and old. Without her permission, they would touch her hair, making all kinds of comments:
– “Your hair is beautiful, and so are you.”
– “What do you use for your hair?”
– “Which salon do you patronize?”
– “Your boyfriend is lucky.”
The older women were not left out. They touched her hair while jokingly asking:
– “When are you getting married, dear?”
– “I have a nephew I can introduce to you.
At first, she endured it. She needed the job. But harassment has a way of escalating. Over time, the comments evolved into sexual and sensual statements.* She felt her silence was being misconstrued as consent.
She had a good relationship with her parents and confided in them. They encouraged her to report the matter. She did—but encountered a common workplace problem:
– One of the people she had to report to was among those harassing her.
– Management refused to bring in an independent workplace consultant.
– They kept asking for proof—but how do you prove something that happens in moments when no third party is present? And even when others were around, they were unwilling to get involved.
Frustrated and unsupported, she resigned.
*Consent, Respect, and Workplace Culture*
As we talked, we agreed that being touched without consent—whether it’s hair or any part of the body—is a deeper issue about respect, personal boundaries, and power. It speaks to a larger workplace culture problem where:
– Harassment is normalized and excused as harmless curiosity or compliments.
– Women are expected to “tolerate” discomfort to keep their jobs.
– The burden of proof is placed on the victim rather than the perpetrator.
This is why it is wrong to ignore or dismiss allegations of sexual harassment. Failure to investigate such complaints signals to perpetrators that they can continue unchecked, while victims either suffer in silence or are forced out.
*Lessons to Take Away*
1. Consent is key – No one should touch a woman’s hair (or any part of her body) without her permission.
2. Workplace harassment should not be trivialized – It erodes confidence, damages careers, and can escalate if left unchecked.
3. Institutions must protect victims, not shield perpetrators– Employers must create structures that allow independent investigations of harassment claims.
4. Silence is not consent – Just because a woman does not immediately protest does not mean she is comfortable.
5. Every woman deserves respect – Whether in the workplace, public spaces, or private life, women should not have to fight for basic dignity.
To quote Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:
> “Culture does not make people. People make culture. If it is true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we must make it our culture.”
If we want a society where women feel safe, valued, and respected, then we must challenge these harmful norms—starting with something as simple as not touching a woman’s hair without her consent.
*_Johnson Babalola is a Canadian immigration lawyer, workplace issues consultant, author, writer, storyteller, and story-based leadership trainer and the Founder of JB Law & Life Compass (JBLLC: @jblifecompass), a mentorship initiative for young lawyers and law students in Nigeria._*
*Follow him on IG @jbdlaw; FB: https://www.facebook.com/jbdlaw and www.johnsonbabalola.com/www.tpmattorneys.com_*
*You can obtain a copy of his newly released book, REJECTED on Amazon, FriesenPress, Barnes & Noble, Kobo etc.*
