By Johnson Babalola
As I sat ruminating over life, relationships, opportunities, gains, and losses, something I had written about in the past popped back into my head: “If.” But this time, it was accompanied by its friends: “Before,” “During,” “After,” and “What About.” Welcoming “If” into my thoughts, I wondered why all the others had single-word names except for “What About.” “If” responded, “Perhaps because ‘What About’ is the most important of us all.”
Curious, I asked why.
Then came the response: “JB, I know you often think of me when reflecting on past decisions. You are not alone. Many ask themselves if they married the right person, chose the right career, followed the right religion, were born into the right family, dated the right person, embraced the right culture, displayed the right attitude, avoided laziness, shunned drugs and bad friends, worked harder, saved for retirement, or stayed close to their children, spouse, or family.”
“Preach it!” I said to “If” as if it were human.
“JB, I have a positive influence on people. Many would confess that if given another chance, they would still choose the same partners, friends, staff, family, employers, careers, and schools.”
“Amen!” I exclaimed, pumping my fist.
“But there’s also a darker side to my usage. Those who forgot the friends who stood by them in hardship often return after affluence fades, saying, ‘If I had known, I would have done things differently.’ An abuser, after causing serious harm or even death, may declare, ‘If I had known, I would have acted differently.’ A child who put their parents through hell may only realize at their funeral, ‘If I had known, I would have behaved better.’ It goes on and on.”
“Don’t stop, ‘If,'” I interjected.
“My words apply to those who have caused physical, mental, psychological, or emotional harm to others and then seek understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance thereafter. They never pause to consider doing the right thing beforehand. Their minds are clouded by anger, pride, jealousy, and hate during the act. And only after the damage is done do they seek redemption. ‘Before,’ ‘During,’ and ‘After’ hate how humans use them. ‘Before’ says it always reminds people to take a deep breath, walk away, and not harm each other. ‘After’ resents being invoked only when people realize their mistakes too late. Do you understand, JB?” ‘If’ asked quietly, as if to drive the point home.
“Got it,” I responded.
“Now, to your question. ‘What About’ is the most important because humans, in their quest for acceptance and forgiveness, often forget the victims. You frequently hear people say, ‘If I had known what I know now, I would have acted differently.’ Yet, they show no real emotions or take meaningful steps to address the harm done. They are consumed by their desire to move forward, to repair their own image, to secure their own legacy. But as we recently learned on the mentorship platform of JBLLC, legacies can be positive or negative, tangible or intangible. Negative legacies cannot be erased by mere acknowledgment of wrongdoing without genuine remorse.”
“That’s deep, ‘If.’ That’s deep,” I admitted, acknowledging the weight of the message. But ‘If’ was not finished.
“What about the victims who can never regain their stolen mandate? What about the businesses destroyed? What about the children deprived of parental care? What about the lives lost? What about the people deprived of good governance? What about those detained unjustly? What about those that will never trust again? What about those that have lost their finances? What about those who now live with mental health issues, emotional and psychological turmoil? What about those left disabled as a result of others’ misdeeds? What about…”
The questions hung in the air, heavy and unanswerable.
And that is where the true challenge lies—not in merely recognizing our past mistakes but in taking active steps to ensure justice, healing, and restoration for those who suffered as a result. ‘If’ may serve as a lesson, but ‘What About’ demands action. The real measure of growth is not just in acknowledging our missteps but in making amends and ensuring others do not suffer from the same mistakes again.
So, before you act, think. During your actions, consider their impact. And after, do not just say ‘If I had known.’ Instead, ask yourself: ‘What About the ones I’ve hurt? What About making things right?’ Only then does true change begin.
*_Johnson Babalola is a Canadian immigration lawyer, author, writer, storyteller, and story-based leadership trainer and the Founder of JB Law & Life Compass (JBLLC: @jblifecompass), a mentorship initiative for young lawyers and law students in Nigeria._*
*Follow him on IG @jbdlaw; FB: https://www.facebook.com/jbdlaw and www.johnsonbabalola.com/www.tpmattorneys.com_*
*You can obtain a copy of his newly released book, REJECTED on Amazon, FriesenPress, Barnes & Noble, Kobo etc.*
